King Alfred Roared, a children's story

King Alfred was born in the waning years of the 20th century to poor but honest farm mice in a suburb of Budapest, Romania. His parents hoped that the name would inspire Alfred to greatness. They did not just mean this as inspiration to work hard and succeed; simple creatures that they were, they actually hoped that he would become King of Romania. They badgered Alfred with these expectations, bullied him and filled him with guilt that he had not already accomplished this.

Therefore, while still really a boy, Alfred left the farm to see about becoming King. He soon learned that Romania had given up monarchy decades ago. Further, in what seemed very cruel to Alfred, it is impossible to attain any political office in Romania when one is not human.

Alfred turned to drink. Our story would end there had he not fallen in love with a cat. Obviously this was a mistake; if such a romance were to work at all, it would be best left in the hands of a Disney screen writer. However, for once luck was on Alfred's side as the cat was nearly blind and had recently been declawed. The romance merely ended badly instead of suddenly and tragically.

In one of those unexpected twists that happen only in the best stories, the loss of his great love caused Alfred to clean himself up and he became a model of sobriety. He tried his hand at writing children's books, but no publisher would take them, saying that Alfred's writing lacked authenticity.

Dejected, Alfred made his way back to the farm where he had been born. Entering the barn where he had spent his joyless youth, he saw that a vicious Terrier had cornered his parents.

Summoning unexpected courage and strength, Alfred roared as mightily as one can with tiny mouse squeaks and charged. The Terrier turned to meet Alfred's fury, snatched him up in its jaws, and cut him cleanly in two with a single bite. He then finished off Alfred's parents, giving them little time to mourn the loss of the vessel that had carried all their hopes and dreams.

Had you looked closely around the barn, you would have seen a nearly blind cat who, having repented of her callous rejection of Alfred, had followed him to the farm and was now slinking quietly away.