The Holy Spam, Book I

o In the beginning, there was Spam. No Light, no Dark, only Pinkness and Spam.

o Her Invisible Holiness looked upon the Spam, and drew its Pinkness unto Herself, and said "This is good". And this was the morning of the first day.

o On the morning of the second day, the Holy IPU looked upon the Spam and said "This will Stinketh after a few days", and She lay down to think upon it.

o On the afternoon of the third day, the Holy IPU trampled the Spam into Gobs, and set them afire with Her Holy breath, and these became the Sun, and the stars, and She looked upon what She had done and said "Kewl!".

o The fire singed the Holy Hoofs, and charred the Holy Mane, and offended the Holy Nostrils. The Holy IPU looked upon what She had wrought and said "Screwed up. Damn it!". Then She shat upon one of the burning Gobs, extinguished its fire, and then She shat again upon a smaller Gob, and these became the Earth and the Moon. And it was the morning of the fourth day.

o And on the fifth day the Holy IPU rested, for She is tireless, and omnipotent and hath no need of rest. This is the First Mystery.

o On the seven hundredth day the Holy IPU awoke, and She lay upon the Earth, and admired Her handiwork in the Heavens.

o From the seven hundredth day to the nine hundred and seventy third day, the Holy IPU looked upon her handiwork.

o On the morning of the nine hundred and seventy third day, the Holy IPU arose, and shook Her Holy Mane, and said "I'm outa here!".

o And the Holy IPU peed upon the Earth, and formed the Great Seas, and she snorted a great blast of Holy Nasal Fluid, and then She left.

o And the Nasal Fluid fermented on the land, and ran to the Seas, and teeny self replicating chains formed, and became one celled plants, and took energy from the Sun, and gave off Oxygen, and damn near killed themselves off, but some chains did not replicate faithfully and became Oxygen users, and saved the day.

o And on the morning of the eighteen gazillionth and third day, an ape like creature picked up a stone and bashed in his cousin's head and supped well that evening. As the Sun set on the evening of the eighteen gazillionth and third day, Man looked upon the stone in his hand and said "Kewl. Majorly Kewl!"